funny stuff
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mike
- paso grand pooh-bah
- Posts: 581
- Joined: Thu May 06, 2004 12:00 am
- model: 750 Paso
- year: 1988
- Location: NorCal
- Contact:
funny stuff
Ill start this off... let's keep it to bikes, cars and roadside stuff (and gotta keep it clean)
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Skins
- paso grand pooh-bah
- Posts: 1304
- Joined: Tue Oct 26, 2004 12:00 am
- model: 750 Paso
- year: 1988
- Location: Kapiti, New Zealand
now mike, in all seriousness, thats not funny. how about this:
about 20 years old, getting my velocette venom ready for a flying quarter and sprint meet. i took every thing off it, leaving just the wheels, motor with magneto, petrol tank, oil tank, seat, and straight through pipe. it was about 7pm, getting dark outside. and i was watching some guys drinking beer on the sidewalk outside the pub across the road from where i lived. i decided to have a test run to a garage down the road where some mates used to work on jags after hours. i went out and got on the velo, started it up, and eased out onto the road, the straight through pipe making a hell of a noise. the guys outside the pub gave me a cheer. so i gave it a fistful and roared off down the road. i changed into second at about 60 mph (close ratio box). thats funny, i thought to myself, the revs didnt drop when i pulled in the clutch. i was now doing about 70mph down the middle of the road, between cars travelling, a lot slower, in both directions. it was quite dark, and i had no lights. i realised the slide was stuck in the top of the carb, because nothing happened when i closed the throttle. i just kept accelerating. at this stage i was doing about 80 mph down the narrow road between cars moving in opposite directions in the dark, and i had no lights. i could see the cars, but could they see me? now, there was no ignition switch, because there was no wiring. just an HT lead from the magneto to the plug, and you dont touch an HT lead from a magneto doing six thousand revs while trying to control a runnaway motorcycle with no lights, dodging cars in the dark, if you like living. of course it was starting to look like i might not be doing that for much longer anyway, but i tried to think of something else. i decided not to change into third, even though i was now doing almost 90mph. i pulled in the exhaust valve lifter (compression release). very little effect at six thousand revs. putting on the brakes while accelerating at maximum power seemed a little unwise, or at least too complicated for me at the time. i decided to try steering with one hand, the left one, even though this made it more difficult to avoid the cars, because with that one i could pull in the valve lifter at the same time, and with the other hand i reached down between my legs, feeling for the carburettor bell mouth. with my hand over the bell mouth and pulling on the valve lifter was able to slow my progress, and at the same time avoid the cars. i remember coming to a stop, but i dont remember anything else of that evening.
about 20 years old, getting my velocette venom ready for a flying quarter and sprint meet. i took every thing off it, leaving just the wheels, motor with magneto, petrol tank, oil tank, seat, and straight through pipe. it was about 7pm, getting dark outside. and i was watching some guys drinking beer on the sidewalk outside the pub across the road from where i lived. i decided to have a test run to a garage down the road where some mates used to work on jags after hours. i went out and got on the velo, started it up, and eased out onto the road, the straight through pipe making a hell of a noise. the guys outside the pub gave me a cheer. so i gave it a fistful and roared off down the road. i changed into second at about 60 mph (close ratio box). thats funny, i thought to myself, the revs didnt drop when i pulled in the clutch. i was now doing about 70mph down the middle of the road, between cars travelling, a lot slower, in both directions. it was quite dark, and i had no lights. i realised the slide was stuck in the top of the carb, because nothing happened when i closed the throttle. i just kept accelerating. at this stage i was doing about 80 mph down the narrow road between cars moving in opposite directions in the dark, and i had no lights. i could see the cars, but could they see me? now, there was no ignition switch, because there was no wiring. just an HT lead from the magneto to the plug, and you dont touch an HT lead from a magneto doing six thousand revs while trying to control a runnaway motorcycle with no lights, dodging cars in the dark, if you like living. of course it was starting to look like i might not be doing that for much longer anyway, but i tried to think of something else. i decided not to change into third, even though i was now doing almost 90mph. i pulled in the exhaust valve lifter (compression release). very little effect at six thousand revs. putting on the brakes while accelerating at maximum power seemed a little unwise, or at least too complicated for me at the time. i decided to try steering with one hand, the left one, even though this made it more difficult to avoid the cars, because with that one i could pull in the valve lifter at the same time, and with the other hand i reached down between my legs, feeling for the carburettor bell mouth. with my hand over the bell mouth and pulling on the valve lifter was able to slow my progress, and at the same time avoid the cars. i remember coming to a stop, but i dont remember anything else of that evening.
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Duck01
Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show off his new flat.
After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge. "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.
"Why, that's my Talking Clock", the man replied.
"How does it work?", asked the guest.
"I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer.
Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, "For f***s sake, it's twenty to two in the f****g morning!"
After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge. "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.
"Why, that's my Talking Clock", the man replied.
"How does it work?", asked the guest.
"I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer.
Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, "For f***s sake, it's twenty to two in the f****g morning!"
-
Duck01
Training for men before and after marriage…
TWO YEAR DEGREE COURSE
A new two year degree is being offered at Dundee University which may interest many of you:
BECOMING A REAL MAN
That's right, in just six mini-semesters you too can be a real man and earn an MA degree (Male Arts)
Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Term:
MEN 101: Combating Stupidity.
MEN 102: You Too Can Do Housework
MEN 103: PMS - Learn To Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104: We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas
Winter Term:
MEN 110: Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111: Understanding The Female Response To Getting In At 4am
MEN 112: Parenting: It Doesn't End With Conception
EAT 100: Get A Life. Learn To Cook
EAT 101: Get A Life. Learn To Cook II
ECON 001A: What's Hers Is Hers
Spring Term:
MEN 120: How NOT To Act Like An Arse When You're Wrong
MEN 121: Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122: YOU, The Weaker Sex
MEN 123: Reasons To Give Flowers
ECON 001C: What Was Yours Is Hers
SECOND YEAR
Autumn Term:
SEX 101: You CAN Fall Asleep Without It
SEX 102: Morning Dilema: If It's Awake, Take A Shower
SEX 103: How To Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201: How To Put The Toilet Seat Down
Winter Term:
MEN 210: The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211: How NOT To Act Younger Than Your Children
MEN 212: You Too Can Be A Designated Driver
MEN 213: Honest, You Don't Look Like Brad Pitt
MEN 230A: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important
Spring Term:
MEN 220: Omitting %&*!@ From Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221: Fluffing The Blanket After Farting Is NOT Necessary
MEN 222: Real Men Ask For Directions
MEN 223: Thirty Minutes Of begging Is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important II
Course Electives:
EAT 102: Cooking With Tofu
EAT 103: Utilization Of Eating Utensils
EAT 104: Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231: Mothers-In-Law
MEN 232: Appear To Be Listening
MEN 233: Just Say 'Yes Dear'
ECON001C: Cheaper To Keep Her
I think you'll agree that our course offers something for every occasion
and a quick study may be able to include more than one elective.
TWO YEAR DEGREE COURSE
A new two year degree is being offered at Dundee University which may interest many of you:
BECOMING A REAL MAN
That's right, in just six mini-semesters you too can be a real man and earn an MA degree (Male Arts)
Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Term:
MEN 101: Combating Stupidity.
MEN 102: You Too Can Do Housework
MEN 103: PMS - Learn To Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104: We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas
Winter Term:
MEN 110: Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111: Understanding The Female Response To Getting In At 4am
MEN 112: Parenting: It Doesn't End With Conception
EAT 100: Get A Life. Learn To Cook
EAT 101: Get A Life. Learn To Cook II
ECON 001A: What's Hers Is Hers
Spring Term:
MEN 120: How NOT To Act Like An Arse When You're Wrong
MEN 121: Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122: YOU, The Weaker Sex
MEN 123: Reasons To Give Flowers
ECON 001C: What Was Yours Is Hers
SECOND YEAR
Autumn Term:
SEX 101: You CAN Fall Asleep Without It
SEX 102: Morning Dilema: If It's Awake, Take A Shower
SEX 103: How To Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201: How To Put The Toilet Seat Down
Winter Term:
MEN 210: The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211: How NOT To Act Younger Than Your Children
MEN 212: You Too Can Be A Designated Driver
MEN 213: Honest, You Don't Look Like Brad Pitt
MEN 230A: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important
Spring Term:
MEN 220: Omitting %&*!@ From Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221: Fluffing The Blanket After Farting Is NOT Necessary
MEN 222: Real Men Ask For Directions
MEN 223: Thirty Minutes Of begging Is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important II
Course Electives:
EAT 102: Cooking With Tofu
EAT 103: Utilization Of Eating Utensils
EAT 104: Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231: Mothers-In-Law
MEN 232: Appear To Be Listening
MEN 233: Just Say 'Yes Dear'
ECON001C: Cheaper To Keep Her
I think you'll agree that our course offers something for every occasion
and a quick study may be able to include more than one elective.
-
Duck01
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be eight again." she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park:
* the Death Slide,
* the Wall of Fear,
* the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster,
* every thing there was.
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, and her favourite lolly and M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well, Dear, what was it like being eight again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size."
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be eight again." she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park:
* the Death Slide,
* the Wall of Fear,
* the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster,
* every thing there was.
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, and her favourite lolly and M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well, Dear, what was it like being eight again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size."
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.
-
Duck01
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'' She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'' Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.''
A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'' She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'' Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.''
-
Duck01
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An American goes into a bar and sits down next to an English guy.
The American notices that the English guy has a huge BIC Lighter.
The American says, "Wow cool lighter, where did you get it?"
The english guy says, "A genie granted me one wish when I rubbed this bottle".
"Wow", says the American, "Can I have a go?"
"Sure", Says the Englishman.
The american rubs the bottle and the genie comes out, "You have one wish" Says the genie.
The American wishes for a million bucks, the genie grants the wish.
About 5 minutes later a load of ducks come into the bar, there are thousands of them.
The American says "I don't believe this I wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks".
The englishman says "Well do you really think i wished for a 12 inch BIC?".
An American goes into a bar and sits down next to an English guy.
The American notices that the English guy has a huge BIC Lighter.
The American says, "Wow cool lighter, where did you get it?"
The english guy says, "A genie granted me one wish when I rubbed this bottle".
"Wow", says the American, "Can I have a go?"
"Sure", Says the Englishman.
The american rubs the bottle and the genie comes out, "You have one wish" Says the genie.
The American wishes for a million bucks, the genie grants the wish.
About 5 minutes later a load of ducks come into the bar, there are thousands of them.
The American says "I don't believe this I wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks".
The englishman says "Well do you really think i wished for a 12 inch BIC?".
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Duck01
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A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and Action Man."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl. "She comes with Action Man, she fakes it with Ken."
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and Action Man."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl. "She comes with Action Man, she fakes it with Ken."
-
Duck01
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Two hunters from Michigan--(true story or so this claims) This is from a radio program, a true report of an incident in Michigan:
A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500 and has $560 monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with the guns, the dog, and of course the new vehicle.
They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on.
In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill.
So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40- second fuse. Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the new Navigator), because they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast.
They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite.
Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns and the dog? Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING. Especially things thrown by the owner.
You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave their arms and wonder what to do now.
The dog, cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with # 8 buckshot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on.
Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane.
The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator.
----BOOM!----
Dog and Navigator are blown to bits and sink to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.
The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered. He still had yet to make the first of those $560 a month payments!
And you thought your day was not going well?
Two hunters from Michigan--(true story or so this claims) This is from a radio program, a true report of an incident in Michigan:
A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500 and has $560 monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with the guns, the dog, and of course the new vehicle.
They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on.
In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill.
So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40- second fuse. Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the new Navigator), because they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast.
They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite.
Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns and the dog? Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING. Especially things thrown by the owner.
You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave their arms and wonder what to do now.
The dog, cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with # 8 buckshot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on.
Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane.
The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator.
----BOOM!----
Dog and Navigator are blown to bits and sink to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.
The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered. He still had yet to make the first of those $560 a month payments!
And you thought your day was not going well?
-
Duck01
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Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources . In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected .
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User. ______________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. &
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program , but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources . In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected .
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User. ______________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. &
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program , but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
-
Duck01
-
Duck01
There's a guy from Ireland driving through Europe and an English guy driving in the opposite direction. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions.
The Irish fella manages to climb out of his car and survey the damages. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Jasus, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise, the Englishman scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!"
The Englishman walks over to the Irishman and says, "Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of such rivals." The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm gonna see what else survived the wreck." So, the Irishman pops open his trunk and finds a full-unopened bottle of Paddy Powers Irish Whiskey. He says to the English fella, I think this is another sign from God that we toast to our new found understanding and friendship."
The Englishman says, "You're damn right!" and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down the Irish Whiskey. After putting away nearly half the bottle, the Englishman hands it back to the Irish fella and says, "Your turn!" The Irish fella twists the cap back on the bottle and says,"Nahh, I think I'll wait for the police to show up."
The Irish fella manages to climb out of his car and survey the damages. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Jasus, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise, the Englishman scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!"
The Englishman walks over to the Irishman and says, "Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of such rivals." The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm gonna see what else survived the wreck." So, the Irishman pops open his trunk and finds a full-unopened bottle of Paddy Powers Irish Whiskey. He says to the English fella, I think this is another sign from God that we toast to our new found understanding and friendship."
The Englishman says, "You're damn right!" and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down the Irish Whiskey. After putting away nearly half the bottle, the Englishman hands it back to the Irish fella and says, "Your turn!" The Irish fella twists the cap back on the bottle and says,"Nahh, I think I'll wait for the police to show up."