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 Post subject: On the english language
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 3:41 pm 
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paso grand pooh-bah
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Posts: 3156
Location: Hilltown,Pennsylvania
model: 906 Paso
year: 1990
You think English is easy???

Read to the end . . . A new twist


1) The bandage was wound around the wound.


2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish
Furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .


8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.


12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row


13) They were too close to the
Door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
Get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people,
Not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.


PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?


You lovers of the English
Language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word
That perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the
Officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report
?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an
Appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.


And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP
! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a
hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP...

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP!

Oh . . . one more thing:



What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U-P

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 Post subject: Re: On the english language
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 5:32 pm 
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paso grand pooh-bah

Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2007 12:00 am
Posts: 1420
Location: Gothenburg, SWEDEN
model: 907 I.E.
year: 1991
Slow Sunday, higgy? ;)

Some new English wonders for you:

Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new
definition :

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an a*****e.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7.Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8.Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v, To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n.A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

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 Post subject: Re: On the english language
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 6:58 pm 
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paso grand pooh-bah
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Location: Hilltown,Pennsylvania
model: 906 Paso
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sure is,rain,snow,rain and cold,parts have not arrived yet........ got to fix a leaky shower :drunk:

Like your post,if Antti had sent them would that have made them definnishtions? :lol:
cant think of a good play on your swedish heritage at the moment,must be the Reintarnation :beer: :beer: :beer:

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There's no problem so bad that a little fixing can't make it worse! : )
If it ain't broke keep fixin it till it is
88 750
90 906
92 907ie


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 Post subject: Re: On the english language
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 7:04 pm 
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Posts: 136
Location: Bolivar, Ohio USA
model: 750 Paso
year: 1988
......and then there is Southern English........YIKES!


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 Post subject: Re: On the english language
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 7:26 pm 
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paso grand pooh-bah
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NOW i keep my mouth shut in this topic, as everybody knows, how i have comment this thing in previous topics... :thumbup: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: On the english language
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 7:42 pm 
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Antti, now you know why we Americans always say "don't worry about it, your English is fine."

If we can manage to get our own language correct over 50% of the time, we can understand anyone's attempt at English.


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 Post subject: Re: On the english language
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 8:06 pm 
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paso grand pooh-bah
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Location: Hilltown,Pennsylvania
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never known you to be shy before Antti :lol: :lol: :lol:

_________________
Ducati,making mechanics out of riders since 1946
There's no problem so bad that a little fixing can't make it worse! : )
If it ain't broke keep fixin it till it is
88 750
90 906
92 907ie


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 Post subject: Re: On the english language
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 11:16 pm 
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paso grand pooh-bah

Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2007 12:00 am
Posts: 1420
Location: Gothenburg, SWEDEN
model: 907 I.E.
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Quote:
cant think of a good play on your swedish heritage at the moment,must be the Reintarnation

Yup, that`s also my middle name. :thumbup:

Maybe "sweepish", swedes who are into sheep?
Oh, mixed that up, that`s what the aussies are into. :evil:

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907 I.E. -91
M900 -97


Last edited by Tamburinifan on Sun Feb 22, 2009 11:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: On the english language
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 11:30 pm 
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paso grand pooh-bah
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model: 906 Paso
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in the US.... before the sheep there's cow tippin to be done :thumbup: :thumbup:

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Ducati,making mechanics out of riders since 1946
There's no problem so bad that a little fixing can't make it worse! : )
If it ain't broke keep fixin it till it is
88 750
90 906
92 907ie


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 Post subject: Re: On the english language
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 11:34 pm 
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paso grand pooh-bah

Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2007 12:00 am
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Location: Gothenburg, SWEDEN
model: 907 I.E.
year: 1991
And there is gaffers tape and a hamster....

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907 I.E. -91
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 Post subject: Re: On the english language
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 11:46 pm 
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paso grand pooh-bah
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model: 906 Paso
year: 1990
You Swedes ! Always gotta go too far :shock: No Pennacoli feats done here :thumbup:

_________________
Ducati,making mechanics out of riders since 1946
There's no problem so bad that a little fixing can't make it worse! : )
If it ain't broke keep fixin it till it is
88 750
90 906
92 907ie


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 Post subject: Re: On the english language
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 11:50 pm 
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Location: Arlington, Massachusetts USA
model: 907 I.E.
year: 1992
whitepaso wrote:
......and then there is Southern English........YIKES!


Ah'll tell you whut ...

Ah'll guaran-damn-tee you ...

Yes, it's true, I lived in Et-lanna for two years , even bin to Mik-DUN-uh! :lol:

(It's raining cats and dogs here ...)

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 Post subject: Re: On the english language
PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2009 12:38 am 
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paso grand pooh-bah

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Location: Gothenburg, SWEDEN
model: 907 I.E.
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Quote:
You Swedes ! Always gotta go too far


We do anything for love, I`d say.
Washed my mouth now.

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907 I.E. -91
M900 -97


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 Post subject: Re: On the english language
PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2009 1:18 am 
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paso grand pooh-bah
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model: 906 Paso
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but,but My Mom married a swede :roll:

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There's no problem so bad that a little fixing can't make it worse! : )
If it ain't broke keep fixin it till it is
88 750
90 906
92 907ie


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 Post subject: Re: On the english language
PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2009 2:28 am 
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paso grand pooh-bah

Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2007 12:00 am
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Location: Gothenburg, SWEDEN
model: 907 I.E.
year: 1991
Lucky Mom then....

Nice flipping out, higgy, time f bed now. :thumbup:

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